Ventidue

Goodness, it has been months. I've been busy ending my third year of law school and completing my legal attachment.

Tis' been a satisfying year, I must say. I learned a lot about myself and the people around me. Also, about my future and how I need to start planning early to avoid being caught in a time-freeze zone where I get indecisive and cannot move on with life.

I know it's not the end of the year yet and that it's not high time to review what I've learnt but I'm in the mood, so what the hell.  This year has been very rewarding and empowering for me. Throughout, the pattern has been such that I am constantly put on the spot where I need to make crucial decisions for myself. Thankfully, I mustered the courage and taken steps that are out of my comfort zone. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I have learnt that I can trust my own judgment on my autonomy. I need not consult people all the time to be able to come up with a well-thought and reasonable verdict.

My legal attachment has been an eye-opening experience.  The prospect of a career in the legal field doesn't seem as daunting as it was before. I now know that there are other options that exist out there. All I have to do is reach out and grab them.  I've also learnt that it's important to have work-life balance. You'll go crazy without it. I, for one, would probably need that equilibrium as I'm the kinda person who needs variety in life.  I cannot just have a desk-job. Finding the time can be a problem but it's by no means impossible.

Ventuno

The best part of crazy is that floating feeling. Like you only exist in a different dimension, untouched by the physical world but very much still affected by it. Of course, I'm talking about my depressed episodes.

Sometimes I would feel high and happy, others down and stuck in a place I don't like.

What I don't miss is that over-sensitivity. I felt too much happiness and sadness at frequent intervals. It became a tiring roller coaster right I couldn't get off. Glued to the seats, having to face every emotion thrown at my face.

Now, I'm better. I think. And hope.

Venti

So I read somewhere in the news that a man was found hung in his home somewhere in Singapore.  Statements from his family inferred that he was receiving treatment for clinical depression and was battling it out.

This makes me sad.  Depression is no game.  I feel sad when I hear people who have resorted to taking their own lives. It's not a phase you can simply snap out of.  If it were, there wouldn't be any depressed people at all cause all of us would be able to switch it on and off.

Help is always a phone call, a text message, away.  Sometimes to just be able to talk it out can help the situation.

I'm so glad that my depression phase is just hormonal and due to my PCOS.  I'm glad I got the help I required and that I understand why I felt how I did and now, I know better about how to control a little of what I feel most of the time.  I just wish everyone can have access to help just as easily.

Diciannove

The Malaysian politics is a very funny thing.  Yesterday was the day Malaysians left the comfort of their homes to get in line to elect the future of Malaysia.  All was well, and we even reached a record of more than 80% voter turnout.  A big number of first-time voters, represented by youths and people below the age of 40, came out and finally did what was right, i.e., vote.

I won't further give a commentary of how last night went because everyone knows what happened. It was all over social media, and many versions of it too! However, for those who've been living under a rock, BN won 133 Parliamentary seats and the Opposition got the remaining 89.

Many were distraught by the results last night, many first time voters who actually thought they could make the change by being the change. I honestly thought I could too. Having said that, we were the change.  Ubah already happened the moment we all decided to set foot outside and cast our votes.  Not all is lost. Many of us who are siding with the opposition, however, smelt the stench of foul play.  Black outs and the sudden appearance of ballot boxes, anyone?  Which brings us to the Elections Commission.  Dubious, very dubious indeed.  I don't care which political party you support, but the events that took place would definitely raise an eyebrow, no?

Now I don't want to rant about that anymore. Instead, I'd like to share my thoughts on the ideal Malaysian political scene. Or rather, just my ideal Malaysia lah. But before going to that, I'd first like to share my background. The events that took place that shaped my view of the world, my view of Malaysia.  So that you, my dear reader, can hopefully understand where I come from.

I'm a regular gal from Bangsar.  Bukit Bandaraya, to be exact.  I guess you can say I grew up in a middle-income family.  Not rich, but not exactly tight with money.  I owe this to both my parents, of course.  Both civil servants, who worked very hard to provide my sisters and I.  Taman Bukit Bandaraya is fairly a multi-racial area, though I do admit Malays are outnumbered by Chinese and Indians.  This is not a problem, though.  We get along very well, and our differences barely matter at all.  My appreciation for diversity really started when I went to Suria Kindergarten at the age of 6.  In many ways, Suria was a wonderful place to learn because we had students from Denmark, Australia, Japan, Korea and other countries.  Come primary school, there was a good mix of races in the class.  My first best friend was Jasmine, a cute Chinese girl who still, lives not even 5 minutes from my house.  Race didn't matter at all. We didn't care.  If someone was mean to us, it wasn't because their race dictated them to do so.  It was just their stinky attitude.  When I entered secondary school, it was quite similar.  However, there was this notion of "typical Malay", which is what one would call those from lower-income families who spoke little English and they would cause much trouble in school.  These people didn't really like me either.  I was in the top class, holding a good position in the Prefectorial Board, and speaking English.  In fact, I was bullied by them outside the confines of my classroom. They'd call me names, I'd get upset. The usual.  Yikes.

Matriculation next.  I had a culture shock.  All the way in Penang in some ulu place, where the racial make up was like 90% Malays, remaining Chinese and Indian. I found it hard at first to fit in, but I found a small group of friends as well as a group of KL kids.  The Malays, Chinese and Indian from other states are not like those from KL.  They find difficulty in conversing in a common language, which in effect, put a huge wedge between the different groups.  I survived that, and was glad to enroll in UM, and to be back in my hometown.

I've always had this idea of togetherness with all races.  If you say something racist and hurt my Chinese friend, I will defend her. If you hurt my Indian friend and call him derogatory names , I will defend him.  If you tease and hurt my Malay friend, I'd defend her.  The colour of your skin doesn't matter. My sense of right and wrong transcends racial and religious divides. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

Now on to my aspirations for the rakyat.

1. To have a government that does not play the racial card.  We are not what our ancestors were 50+ years ago. There's a better sense of community now. We want to fight corruption, cronyism, and many other common issues.
2. To have a rakyat that feels comfortable in voting for an election candidate that is of a different race.  If the person can do a good job, what does his race or religion matter? 
3. To have an Elections Commission that is neutral and non-partisan.  With no dubious behaviour and good accountability.  There is really no point for Malaysians to vote if the EC is biased.  Just sayin'.
4. To have better equality, with focus being on the development of the socio-economic status of the people.  To push the Malays into a being competitive race, so that the government won't have to continue to spoon-feed us.  To push the Indians into getting into the competition as well.  I think the Chinese are already doing well. Heh well at least better than the rest lah.
5. To eradicate racism on many levels. 

Racism has always been the bane of my existence. I don't understand it, I find it to be a form of backward-thinking, of narrow-mindedness. A blame game of who's worse, when really, all you have to do is look at your own weaknesses and fix them.

Yesterday's elections was bittersweet.  It was lovely, to get in line with my fellow Bukit Bandarayans to cast our vote.  There was no feeling of disparity, just a joint spirit of exercising our right to vote and electing the person we find fit to represent us. 

The results were disconcerting.  With the media commentaries (as well as some from our *ahem* new/old leaders), conjuring the racial card to explain the votes, most voters were left in disbelief.  Malaysia is already moving towards voting disregard of race.  Let's not go 2 steps back.  Out with the old, in with the new. 

With MIC and MCA being under-represented (or not at all?) in the Barisan National coalition, I worry for the future of Malaysia.  Where are we going? Where the ruling party represents one race and the opposition, the rest? Jangan jadi pecah dan perintah, sudah. We've come too far.  

Having said all that, I do enjoy harmless racial jokes.  Nothing offensive, of course. 

Jangan terasa. Ini hanya pendapat saya.

Diciotto

Yes, it's that time again. Time to vote, time to exercise your rights, time to show who rules the land.  Oh here I go with a political post.

Though some may say that the pre-election period, or the campaigning period, is just the tip of the iceberg and is viewed to be as just a teaser to what's in store, I find it to be nevertheless the most colourful time.  You really see people's true colours. I'm not just talking about the political leaders and their manifestos or their (empty?) promises. I'm also talking about Malaysians in general.  Your parents, your batch mates, your close friends. Surprise after surprise.

The conservative ones are rooting for the opposition.  As to the liberal ones? Some are for the opposition,  and some staying with the ol' coalition. I'm not saying this applies to everyone I know, but a notable number lah.   Now I have no real problem who you choose to vote for. It is your right, so you may exercise it as you please.

I'm just annoyed with people who are so vocal in criticizing the past government but are not doing anything to change it.  Not voting, and it's not due to technical stuff like tak sempat register.  Has the current funding from the government blinded you?  Oh, yes, they're corrupted and everything but look! They're giving us money, so they must be good for something?

Honey, that scholarship money you're using? Yes, that, is not the government's money.  It didn't come directly from the Prime Minister's pocket.  It's the people's money. Taxpayers' moolah.  So spend wisely, too.  So your education is funded by the people, hence, your allegiance should be to the people as well.  If you wanna play that card. What is a government but a formal structure, where we the people insert our representatives into to voice our concerns and opinions.

We have to think about the long run.  The long term goals.  You are given the choice, yes,  a choice, to determine the direction of the nation.  It's the power of the people, y'all!  I've heard this term before, "pro-government", as in "Oh, I am pro-government." What does that even mean? Do you even know what  makes a government?

I'm not usually someone who talks much about politics, but in the heat of the moment, I cannot resist.  TEEHEE

Diciasette

Sometimes, waiting for a doctor's appointment is like waiting for the judge to deliver your sentence.

Death row.

Sedici

Yesterday, I was sitting in Bangi Kopitiam before my Jurisprudence lecture and I was scanning the menu to find a beverage to drink.  It was more of a case of  "Nope, that has milk, that has milk, that has milk, that doesn't have milk but hell no am I paying that much for that, that has milk, that has milk..".  So I just settled for iced tea.  It was too sweet. Remember to order for less sugar next time.

Such is life, being a lactose intolerant. A selective lactose intolerant lah, since I can drink fresh cow's milk and only one brand of milk powder available in the market.  Fussy tummy!

My posts here have been getting shorter and shorter and shorter. :/