Dieci

It's just one of those weeks where I'm feeling down. A lot.  I feel so overwhelmed by many things.

You know how they say that in law school, you have three options, i.e. sleep, a social life or studies.  At any one time, you can only choose two.  Or rather, two will be dominant and the remaining will be kind of secondary. Last semester, I kinda chose sleep and studies. My social life suffered a little.  This semester, I feel like I've only chosen sleep. Very imbalanced. Forever alone. Isolation can do a lot of damage to a person. That's what Mr Ganga said.  After a while, standing in a room full of people can also make you feel lonely.

I also have episodes of sadness that come once in a while.  I don't know how serious it is, exactly for it to even be construed as depression.  At what point do you seek medical help? Or is this just a normal up-and-down thing everyone experiences? One thing is for sure, it's that listening to the thoughts in my head can drive me crazy. Mr Ganga also told me that depressed people feel a sense of loneliness and helplessness.  That's exactly how I feel. Oh great.

When I was younger, I didn't have good stress management skills either.  So, when things got a little out of control, I used to eat Panadol (not overdose, mind you) aka Paracetamol to calm me down and make myself fall asleep. You can't feel down when you sleep, can you?  Of course, I don't do that anymore.  I have something new, that is, my workouts.  The endorphins make me high and I feel super good after running a few kilometres.  Unfortunately, that doesn't last very long and I can fall back into my old routine. Extreme highs and extreme lows. And when I think of the bad stuff, I just get a really bad feeling in my tummy and just feel like puking. Eww.

I remember watching a documentary on depression among teens and young adults.  A few of them say that the people around them have not always been supportive. "Oh, cheer up!", "Get out of this funk, will you?", "Are you crazy?" I wish it were really that easy. It's like, I can barely get out of my head even if I wanted to. The opposite end is when people feel so much pity for you, they treat you like a precocious child.

Watching shows like My Mad Fat Diary and movies like Perks of Being A Wallflower definitely got the waterworks going  Of course, those shows exhibit perhaps the extreme cases of depression.  I still feel it though, I understand the feelings those people have. It is very, very painful.

I'm not crazy. Just not in the best of spirits, most of the time.