Nove

This morning, someone told me that I look like I've lost weight. I have. Later at night, someone else told me that I look like I've put on weight. I can't have packed on pounds in twelve hours!  This got me somewhat annoyed and I started looking at myself in the mirror. NO. I may have lost weight but I still wear my old clothes which, to be honest, look a tad baggy on my right now. Dammit, I'm wearing my jammies.

So, I'm making a judgment call to ignore the negative comments. I've been working my ass off for about 8 months and I'm not planning to throw all that away just because someone said something that doesn't quite please my ears. Ommmm...

It hasn't been an easy journey. I'll be honest. I've set my mind on losing these additional pounds I don't need. I started last semester and have been quite dedicated to the cause.  Not so much of a commitment-phobe after all. My studies have taken a back seat to my health but it hasn't really suffered that badly. Or at least that's what my last GPA showed. In fact, working out and eating clean has made me a lil' more attentive in class.

Semester two of this plan hasn't been that great. Last semester, I found time to work out in the morning quite easily because my classes were late in the afternoon.  This semester, argh. Morning classes, late tutorial preparations (okay this one is entirely my fault), bed too comfortable, and the list of excuses can go on forever.  It has been quite a struggle but I'm sure if I stick to a doable routine, results will speak for itself.

Here's a list of things I've learnt on my journey so far. I don't want to sound preachy, but hey, if it works for me (of all people), I'm sure it can work for you.

1. Eat breakfast. A lot of people don't, actually. It really makes a big difference. No time, my ass. It only takes about 5 minutes to prepare a simple sandwich on the go.
2. Eat clean. No junk food crap.  Okay, just kidding.  You can have them. Like, once a month or less. No fast food, no calorie-laden snacks that you know will just put you to snooze an hour after eating them. I haven't had fast food in ages. Technically, I don't eat them anymore. 
3. Portion control.  Know how much to eat, know what your body needs.  More greens, less carbohydrate, and proteins in moderation.  
4. Go brown. I don't mean go tan yourselves. I mean start consuming brown bread, brown rice, brown pasta(?). The wholemeal sort of stuff, I mean.  White rice and white bread won't keep you feeling full as long as these brown stuff can.
5. Whole foods, please.  The more processed it is, the worse it is for your body. Eat a frigging fruit already.
6. Drink plenty fluids.  This will not make you gain water weight. Quite the opposite, actually.  Your body will retain fluids when it is dehydrated, so drink up! Just plain water or tea.
7. Get your nutrition right before focusing on exercise. This is so damn important. You can't outrun a bad diet. There's also a saying that goes "Abs are made in the kitchen.".
8. Find a form of workout you enjoy, research about it (you don't want to sustain any injuries, do you?) and DO IT. 3-4 times a week, about 0.5-1 hour each time would suffice.  Start slow. 
9. Vary your exercises to keep you away from getting bored with the same old routine. Jog/run one day, play badminton or soccer another, etc.
10. Lift weights. I don't know about you, but my limbs kinda look bigger when I skip my workouts. Toning your muscles is so important, keeps them from getting weak on your off-days aka the days you just feel too damn lazy to work out. Haha
11. The only reason you get bulky when you carry weights is because there's still a layer of fat there that's making you look big. The more you work those muscles, the more fat you burn. The smaller you get. Unless you do want to get big and you drink those whey protein stuff I'm not a big fan of. 
12. Have a cheat  day. Eat whatever you like, but in moderation.  Remember that going overboard will just make your subsequent workouts harder.  Starting from square one is just so ughhhhhh.
13. Remember that it's not always about the numbers you see on the weighing machine.  It can't differentiate between fat mass and muscle mass. I learnt this the hard way. There are other ways to see your progress too. Like, how you feel in your old clothes and what you see in the mirror. Smaller calves, better muscle definition, no more double chin, stuff like that.
14. Squat if you want an awesome ass.
15. Don't get discouraged by slip-ups.  Sometimes, you won't feel like working out and this will occur for days in a row. It's okay. Just remember that tomorrow is a new day and you can start again then. 
16. Make time for all the above.  Life is short, don't make it any shorter by not taking good care of yourself.
17. It's helpful to have friends who have the same goals, i.e. to get fit, to get toned, or just release stress in a healthy manner.  Share tips, workout together or something.  For me, working out is mainly a personal activity I prefer to do solo. Having said that, it can be pretty refreshing to do it with a friend once in a while.
18. It's not a diet, it's a lifestyle. Fo'realz.

7 kgs, baby! And counting. And looking fab.

Otto

How many times would you attempt something? One bitten, twice shy? Or perhaps third time's the charm? Would a fool resort to the fourth?

Some call it persistence, some call it tomfoolery. Okay, who uses words like "tomfoolery" anymore? Some things, we just refuse to give up on. Perhaps because it means just that much to us. Or maybe it's because we just cannot get it through our thick skulls that some things are not meant to work. 

You don't know until you've tried. 

How many times must a person try before he or she can safely give up the pursuit?

Sette

What a long day.

Went to watch friends play futsal, headed off to dinner at around 8.45pm, ran an errand for sister and only got home around 12am.

I'll tell you this: I dislike driving at night. I really dislike driving at night, in the rain.  This is because I have astigmatism.  It's not so bad during the daytime but goodness me, I feel like I'm half blind at night. Technically, this means I have limited vision. Lights become blurry, can barely read road names, cannot estimate distances properly, sudden flashes of light practically blind me for a bit.  Sounds serious? Yes, definitely.  Will probably get my eyesight checked this weekend.  The whole time driving home tonight, I was  praying and hoping that nothing will happen to be. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die. 

This gets me really worried, especially when I think about my attachment period.  How am I gonna drive home on my own, at night, and God forbid, it rains?

Need a driver/chauffeur. Or a boyfriend. Hahahahahaha...

Sei

Death is always a reminder to the living that life is short, temporary and unpredictable. You can't help but think when yours will end, when your loved ones' will. It's depressing, I know.  A relative passed away today. Two weeks ago, a distant cousin.  A few more people, as I've seen on friends' Facebook statuses.

I have terrible grief-management skills.  The first death I had to deal with was my nanny's death when I was around six, I think.  I just couldn't cry.  Perhaps I didn't fully comprehend the concept of death then. I felt sad, don't get me wrong. I just couldn't emote it outwardly.  Six years later, I lost my grandfather.  I loved him so much. "You're the best in the world," he would tell his grandchildren in his thick English accent.  Of course, there were more than one of us and we weren't experts on superlatives. Still, couldn't cope with the grief of loss. Years later, I found myself regretting for not properly managing my emotions.  I missed these people and it was too late. Anything felt years later feels irrelevant.  People have moved on.

Today's death kinda got to me.  You're never ready to lose your siblings.  From the moment you're born, these people have been in your life.  They may have been the bane of your existence sometimes, and the reason you're cheerful for the rest. I just hope mine keep safe enough. Can't imagine life without these clowns.

Cinque

8. Never make excuses.
Some call 'em excuses, some call 'em justifications. 'Nuff said. Hahahaha...I don't always make excuses, but there are some instances when doing so makes me feel better and keeps me calm.

9. Get absorbed into the present.
Live in the moment, they say. I admit overthinking the future. Need to take a breather and just live in the now.  Because we don't live forever.

Ergh, abort mission. Cannot go through to #22. Commitment-phobe. 

Quattro

I read a piece of article that's been shared on Facebook a lot lately, about happiness.  It says that there are two types of people in this world, namely, people who choose to be happy and those who choose to be unhappy.  While you'd think, "who in the world would choose unhappiness?", I think there are a huge number of people who do so, subconsciously. These people say that they do want happy, but are stuck in their own ways that make themselves unhappy. Maybe sometimes I'm one of them. I don't know. Maybe.

Anywho, here's a link to the article itself. The author also elaborated on 22 habits of happy people. So I'll go through them and see how they apply to me. Uh-oh.

1. Don't hold grudges.
Easier said than done.  Sometimes we're so stuck feeling victimised, we forget that the perpetrator is human too, subject to making mistakes and all that.  Would I say that I hold grudges? I'd be lying if I told you I didn't.  I'm learning to let go, though. Forgive, perhaps. Forget? Most definitely not.

2. Treat everyone with kindness.
I try to. Hahahaha... I'm generally a cheerful person to be around, I think. If I'm not, it's probably because I'm tired for some reason. Or PMS. Or when I'm impatient. Mehhh.

3. See problems as challenges.
Bullshit. When I see problems, I think "Ergh, why does this bull happen to me, of all people?" Because I'm such a perfect human being, nothing bad should ever happen to me. I'm being sarcastic, of course.  Some people think I'm serious when I'm being sarcastic and vice versa.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, that's what I believe.  Something in nature is going to challenge you to see what sort of a person you really are.  You either rise to the challenge or not.  Go hard or go home?

4. Express gratitude for what they already have.
I am thankful for all that I have.  I find myself actually very lucky to have what I have.  Do I want more? Sure, who doesn't? Perhaps I don't express my gratitude as much as I'd like to.  Hmm, work on this.

5. Dream big.
Hah!  Getting old has proven to me that not all is wonderful at the end of the rainbow. I do have certain goals I'd love to fulfill. A great career, a promising future, a cat maybe? I guess I was a bigger dreamer when I was a kid.  No, it's not because I was fatter. The harshness of reality cuts deep. I remember telling my parents that I wanted to quit college, join a rock band and tour overseas. Obviously, that didn't happen.

6. Don't sweat the small stuff.
Ask my best friends who have known me for many years, they'd tell you that I sweat ALL the small stuff.  I'm a worrier. It runs in the family. Not a good excuse, though.  Having said that, I do exude a much more calm disposition towards disasters nowadays.  Not giving a rat's ass about things is very refreshing.

7. Speak well of others.
I really wish I could, all the time. However, I'm always torn between telling the honest, gospel truth about people and lying to protect their..er...defects. Though nowadays, I won't bother telling people about why X or Y or Z is a bitch.  People will discover it in their own time. I just have to sit and wait.  Ratting off about others' bad attitude would only reflect my bad attitude.  I can only hope others will do the same for me. Heh.

To be continued.

Tre

Physically exhausted by mentally, feel like I could write an essay on the history of potato or something.  Ran for half an hour and did another half an hour of weights and toning. Needless to say, my limbs were crying for me to stop.

I'm currently having one of those weekends where I don't really want to do anything. Heck, most of my weekends are like that anyway.

So today I went to the library in hopes of getting some work done for Banking tutorial prep. Alas, that didn't happen.  Spent about 10 minutes reading cases and the remaining of an hour Tumblr-ing and Youtube-ing.  Then, after, went to meet up with a senior who graduated law school.  Just to catch up and what not. He says I'm overthinking my future and putting non necessario pressure on myself.  I suppose getting so near to the finish line, to having a full-fledged degree, kinda creeps me out.  You see, I'm still 18 years old in my mind. I feel unready to be thrown into the work force. Denial.

I was watching Glee about an hour ago and basically the theme of the episode was something along the lines of taking chances. On doing something you don't want to, or are not ready for, to taking chances on relationships and etc.  I rarely take chances. I've always been the cautious type. I'm not saying that I cannot be spontaneous. I just constantly have to think things through before doing anything out of the ordinary. Oh God, I sound like a bore. I sound as if every move I make is premeditated.  NO.

I suppose that some risks are worth taking. Like in relationships (referring to Brittany and Sam's, by the way).  Sorry for the spoilers.  You don't know until you throw yourself out there.  I'd rather throw myself in front of a moving train. Oh, so very Bruno Mars. Yes, I'm that terrified.  Yikes!

Having said that, I guess it's time for a little experiment. For the following week, to take chances. Take a risk.  Little things. See where that gets me. Just thinking about it gives me the heebie jeebies. Okay, so maybe I'll take calculated risks. But that's against the point.

Oh fuck.

Due

Ah, another uneventful day in the life of Nin.  So perhaps today I'm going to talk about standards. Oooo sounds like a serious topic? Well kinda-sorta-not-really.  What I really mean I guess is the standards we set for ourselves, or rather the expectations we impose on ourselves.

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away, someone told me that I judge others like I judge myself.  What I really mean is that the expectations I put on myself, I use as a bar to measure others' behaviour. For instance, I would never lie to a friend about something important, hence I expect the same of others.  The trouble is, not everyone acts like we expect them to.  Not everyone has the same set of morals. Sounds jurisprudence-y? No two people are the same. We're not robots, programmed to be identical.

Well the point my friend was making is that when I set high expectations on myself, I expect the same from others and this often leads to disappointment. At least that's what I think he's trying to say. And I would get really mad at  people who break these moral codes that I've set for myself, resulting in the destruction (wow, drama) of friendship, relationship, etc. I'm not saying the people around me have a lower standard of morality. I'm just saying that we all have different ideas about morality. And that is okay. Someone may expect more of me, and I might not meet him or her at that point.

I would get super upset and go "Why would X do that to me?! I would never do that to X or any other person for that matter." It's all karma, right? BUT NO.  Not everyone thinks like I do, hence how can I expect them to think through their actions in the same manner?

Perhaps my notion of standards stem from my upbringing, especially when Mom would go "You only got second place in class??? Who got first? How many marks difference?" in a very Asian-parent way. Not saying all Asian parents are like this, by the way.  My Mom wouldn't really raise her voice or scold me but she did ask those kinda questions and I guess they left a mark? Anyways I'm an adult, I don't need to be affected by those things anymore.

After accepting and admitting that I do sometimes set ridiculously high standards (don't confuse high standards with high maintenance, okay? I'm anything but high maintenance. With exceptions to the general rule, of course, eg. don't ever give me reverse osmosis water and tell me it's mineral water I know the difference!), I kinda learnt to let go a little. Let people be. Some people are asses, heck sometimes, I'm an ass too. I try not to be, though. No point trying to teach them how to behave. Adults make their own choices. I also learnt to forgive, due to this newfound discovery of mine. People make mistakes, yeah, pfffft get over it, Nin.  As a result, I'm much more of a relaxed person now. I just don't give that much of a fuck anymore. :)

Soooo cin cin to that!

(Cin cin is an informal way of saying "cheers!" in Italian)

Uno

Nothing beats a clean slate.  I could not continue with my old blog. I was reading through my old rants and found that I was a very angry person. I still have a temper now, but it pales in comparison to how I was then.

So, I was chatting with a friend and I was telling her of my admiration of her not giving a fuck about putting her thoughts out there.  Okay, she does give a fuck. She's just smarter about the ones she gives now.

I guess I just created this blog just to pen down my thoughts. Sometimes too much goes on in my head and I can't think straight. Perhaps this will help. I sure hope so.

Julie Powell compared the difference between having a diary and a blog. In a diary, a person can write whatsoever he wants.  His security is that his writings will not be published nor shown to everyone, or so he hopes.  A blog, on the other hand, is like an open book. Accessible to those who have access to the Internet (I hate calling it the Internet. Makes me feel old). There is no security, no protection against backlash, unless I modify the privacy settings, which I do not intend to.

SO COME WHAT MAY.

Come at me, bruh.