Due

Ah, another uneventful day in the life of Nin.  So perhaps today I'm going to talk about standards. Oooo sounds like a serious topic? Well kinda-sorta-not-really.  What I really mean I guess is the standards we set for ourselves, or rather the expectations we impose on ourselves.

Once upon a time in a galaxy far, far away, someone told me that I judge others like I judge myself.  What I really mean is that the expectations I put on myself, I use as a bar to measure others' behaviour. For instance, I would never lie to a friend about something important, hence I expect the same of others.  The trouble is, not everyone acts like we expect them to.  Not everyone has the same set of morals. Sounds jurisprudence-y? No two people are the same. We're not robots, programmed to be identical.

Well the point my friend was making is that when I set high expectations on myself, I expect the same from others and this often leads to disappointment. At least that's what I think he's trying to say. And I would get really mad at  people who break these moral codes that I've set for myself, resulting in the destruction (wow, drama) of friendship, relationship, etc. I'm not saying the people around me have a lower standard of morality. I'm just saying that we all have different ideas about morality. And that is okay. Someone may expect more of me, and I might not meet him or her at that point.

I would get super upset and go "Why would X do that to me?! I would never do that to X or any other person for that matter." It's all karma, right? BUT NO.  Not everyone thinks like I do, hence how can I expect them to think through their actions in the same manner?

Perhaps my notion of standards stem from my upbringing, especially when Mom would go "You only got second place in class??? Who got first? How many marks difference?" in a very Asian-parent way. Not saying all Asian parents are like this, by the way.  My Mom wouldn't really raise her voice or scold me but she did ask those kinda questions and I guess they left a mark? Anyways I'm an adult, I don't need to be affected by those things anymore.

After accepting and admitting that I do sometimes set ridiculously high standards (don't confuse high standards with high maintenance, okay? I'm anything but high maintenance. With exceptions to the general rule, of course, eg. don't ever give me reverse osmosis water and tell me it's mineral water I know the difference!), I kinda learnt to let go a little. Let people be. Some people are asses, heck sometimes, I'm an ass too. I try not to be, though. No point trying to teach them how to behave. Adults make their own choices. I also learnt to forgive, due to this newfound discovery of mine. People make mistakes, yeah, pfffft get over it, Nin.  As a result, I'm much more of a relaxed person now. I just don't give that much of a fuck anymore. :)

Soooo cin cin to that!

(Cin cin is an informal way of saying "cheers!" in Italian)